Blogger's block

So when I started this blog I really liked it because I pretty was sure no one read it.  I could really be honest with myself and didn't have to worry about my punctuation or if I was being theologically correct. It was just me, raw... honest, me being layed out on a page in size ten times new roman.  Now, I know that most people start a blog so that people will follow them and read it and be inspired or something. That is, afterall, the point.  But ... as people have approached me and mentioned that they read my blog I suddenly feel at a complete loss for words.  All of a sudden everthing I say will not be good enough compared to the more eliquent 'bloggers' out there.  So that's why I haven't written.

Then I realized, I go through much of life like this... selling myself short.  Most of the friends I have now I have had since I was a child.   To them, I am Hilary-- Hilary who doesn't read, and listens to the top 40, is overly sarcastic and has a bit of a gossiping problem.  That 'Hilary' will never do anything extrodinary or say anything that changes someone's life.  I don't blame my friends for this, I blame the fact that my insecurities prohibit me from stepping outside of the rut I have created for myself among this group of people.  I hate to quote gossip girl (ever) because let's be honest, the show is a guilty pleasure.  However, I was watching the other day and right as two of the main character's are about to rekindle their long anticipated romance,  Blair says: " I have to be Blair Waldorf before I can be Chuck Bass' girlfriend." As much as I metaphorically throw up in my mouth a little everytime I hear 'shoot for the stars', or 'don't let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams' I guess I am tired of only being who people think I am.  

Here comes the God made you special speech... 
But seriously.
God didn't make the Hilary who lives in someone's shadow. He didn't count every hair on my head so I could never do anything.  I really don't know what I'm saying here, but... I think I'm being called to do more. I think we all are.  It's just way too easy not to.