Looking foreward instead of back

Once again, we find another year coming to a close. This time last year I was in Seattle, surrounded by friends- and now I find myself on a bus half way to Calgary, with New Years festivities awaiting me on the other side.  I have a strange... policy, you could say.  I won't be at home for New Years.  So despite the fact that I was working tonight, I decided it was still necessary to hop on a bus and switch cities for the evening.  This year has brought about a lot of change, to say that least.  In hindsight, I think it was a year of testing.  When I ventured to Seattle one year ago, I remember feeling like I was barely keeping my head above water.  Drowning in schoolwork and emotion from failed relationships, I wasn't exactly at my peak.  So naturally, I ran from my problems.  I felt as though I had to go to Seattle, I had to get a breath of fresh air and momentarily shove away the discontenment of my life at home.  It was a good breather, but a week of vacation doesn't make everything go away.  When I came home everything was the same.   Not to say I have some terrible life, but I just couldn't see the goodness in it anymore. I couldn't see the goodness in anything.  Despite my lack of enthusiasm, I finished out the year at school.  

This year I went on five vacations.  I saw the world from the top of London and drank a pint of Guiness from the Brewery.  I kissed the Blarney stone and saw Temper Trap at the Showbox.  I watched the Stampeede in the rain and I met my first single serving friend.  I dragged myself and my backpack from Seattle to Portland to Vancouver to Calgary back to Seattle, then to Hamilton to Montreal followed by London to Dublin to Minneapolis and back to Calgary.  I think this says two things. One, I love to travel. I will starve if it means I can travel. And two, I don't like to face my problems.  When I get sick of life, I buy a plane ticket.  Some people gamble, and some people drink - I plan a trip.  I think it's probably unhealthy. Maybe one day I will change it.  There's something about breathing new air, meeting new people, seeing new scenery that beats any kind of high out there in my opinion.  When I step off a plane, I get this rush of emotion that makes me forget that anything else matters.  It's like having the world at your fingertips with nothing stopping you- you are where you want to be and you can do whatever you want.  

Now, as I sit on this coach with the bright lights whizzing by, I can't help but wonder what next year will bring.  Will the trials of this year lead up to something life changing? Will I see more heartache and dissapointment? Or, as what seems most likely... nothing will really change all that much.  I will go on being me; having ups and downs and for the most part hanging in there. I like how Death Cab puts it... "So this is the New Year, I don't feel any different." Just because the number at the end of the date changed, doesn't mean anything else did.

Epilogue: Once again this year I have decided not predetermine self disapointment by making New Years resolutions that I know I won't keep. So I didn't. I hope that in 2011 I will be true to myself and I don't expect any more.