4 hours to India

Funny how life works, isn't it? After writing about the peace I felt about my visa, it came just a few days later. Which (fast-forward) brings me to the present... 

I leave for the airport in 4 hours to go to India. 

Once again I have that familiar feeling of my toes dangling over the edge, I'm about to jump, but fear sets in. Why is it that we get apprehensive when it's too late to turn back? The knot in your stomach doesn't form before you buy the plane ticket. No, it forms when you have no choice but to over come it. 

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

That verse has been a great comfort to me today. Because Christ's strength is infinite, therefore that minimizes all the fears that attempt to immobilize me. Horror stories of other people's bad travel experiences haunt me, but when I think about having the strength of God within me, that seems so trivial.  All I'm doing is getting on a plane and waiting out a few layovers. What is that really in the grand scheme of things? Trivial.

So now, once again, I get ready to jump.  

Best friends with my Backpack.

I decided to mix up my font today. I hope you like it. If not, too bad - I like it. 


Each day I eagerly check my mail, and each day nothing comes. Well, things come - but not what I am waiting for. All is irrelevant when I don't see the package I await from the Indian consulate. I am waiting for a particular important person to put a particular visa in my passport and send it back to me so my adventure can begin. Those who sit beside me in lectures have the unfortunate distraction of watching a chipmunk dance on my computer screen while I browse plane tickets, something I prefer to have on the forefront of my mind while the prof drags on about a novel written before civilization.  It's like I'm cheating on my beloved backpack if I'm not planning something we can do together soon. I don't think other people wanderlust as much as I do; and if they do, they are less blatant about it. If I don't have an upcoming trip I start to get this claustrophobic feeling - as though I am trapped. Trapped and trip-less. The worst! 

So I still don't have a visa to India. (My next destination of choice). I would ideally like to leave Friday. Friday, 6 days from now, Friday. Yes, that Friday. However, despite me losing heart in some senses about my departure date creeping up and me remaining immobilized to hurry the process up, I am overwhelmed by peace. My stress coping tactics are slim to nil, being an overall stressless person is great, until you have to deal with something... and then you have zero practice. I generally like to handle such situations with a little cry and then brief hyperventilation session.  Doesn't solve much. But this time, this time is different. One thing I know for certain, it's not me getting any better at handling stress. Or maybe it is... because instead of trying to handle it on my own, I finally realized I can't. And I let somebody else. Sometimes I feel like a 4 year old... "no mom, I can do it" which is usually followed by the child spilling something all over themselves. However, finally just allowing God to step in is remarkably freeing. (Probably should have figured this out sooner, eh?). So now, no visa - no India. That's okay. Visa- India. Also okay [well, more than okay... freaking awesome!]. 

Mountains.

Homesick is a funny feeling. One that I rarely cross paths with, to be honest. Restlessness is usually a more accurate description of my state of mind. Normally I don't crave the familiar; I long for the unexplored. I'm always on to the next, on to the next, on to the next. But today I miss all the things I've seen before. I especially miss the mountains. Few things remind me of God's greatness like a big, imposing mountain. I've always been fascinated with them; even as a kid, I used to try and comprehend how that huge rock was finite compared to God.  I loved them. Every time our family took the weekend to go hiking, as we approached that place on the highway where the outline of the mountains starts to peek over the horizon, my face would light up and I would feel the need to confirm with my parents in the front seat that it was in fact "the mountains" that I was seeing. I'd get so antsy to be in their midst that every mile from there on in was more exciting than the next.

Now, living in a place where they call a slight gradual incline "the mountain", the rockies are a reminder of home. They're that token thing that I miss. It's not like I miss the actual rocks, or that seeing them will bring me a sense on completeness. What I miss about home is the people. But for some reason these towering mountain ranges are what I long for.  Maybe it's that childish feeling I'm actually nostalgic for. Being so excited about the very moment that you're in that you just don't even know how you are going to stay seated in that back seat. So content with the right now, and so excited about what's to come.  I'm not sure.  

East. West. Best. Everything Else.

Today I was feeling very west-coastish; is that an adjective?  For some reason I was longing to drink a JJ Bean chai latte and walk the coast of Vancouver, Seattle or Portland.  All day I was craving Portland's wonderful city transit and good recycling program, and Vancouver's unceasing dreariness.  Sometimes part of me is upset and how my body limits me to being in one place at a time.  I long to experience all that life can possibly offer me. I want to know all people, and see all places, and experience all culture. I want to hear the best music and smell the best smells. I want to take in all of life's rawness. Even if it hurts; part of me wants to know the pain that other people experience. I want to love. And not just love for my own sake, but experience selfless love. I want to jump off the tallest things and swim into the depths.  To experience all seasons without waiting or to get on a train and not know where it's going. To sleep on a stranger's couch. To lie on a beach in the middle of a snowstorm.  To drink the world's best coffee or smoke the best tobacco.  To eat cheap donuts and talk to uninteresting people; to experience the mundane but see it's beauty. I want to sit in a lecture of every university. I want to experience the stereotypical - to watch the american past time, to skate in central park, to fall in love in Paris. 

In some senses movies have cheapened these things for us; we will never have that perfectly lined up moment. But yet, I think they have enriched these things too. They place in us a longing for experience, and the feeling that comes with that experience, that we would probably never otherwise dream of. How sad is it that we have to let someone else do our dreaming for us?  

"I Believe"

I suppose most of these thoughts stemmed from the discussion we had at home church last night. For those of you who just thought "what's home church?" - it's more or less a trendy way to say Bible study.

So we were talking about Ephesians 5:1-20; in verse eight it says: "For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light..."

Live as children of light. 

Wow. That is a huge calling. I feel like we have a tendency to over- metaphor-ize things are therefore entirely disregard them. How influential would we be if we walked out the door every morning and exhibited Jesus' truth in literally everything we did. 

As an example... So let's say, you grow up your whole life thinking the colour we say is blue, is in fact Blue. Just as we've grown up hearing "women are sexual objects, indulge in all things, work towards your own advancement." And then someone comes along and says, no -- you've got it all wrong. Blue is Purple. Believe me and live the rest of your life accordingly. Now, first of all, if you said "I believe you", you would be making a pretty bold statement. If, from there, you went and submerged yourself underwater in front of a bunch of people to proclaim that in fact you now felt with your whole self that "Blue IS Purple", you would be saying a lot. Now, if you really believed this new truth it would change anything. Your perception of the world would be shattered. Or enhanced entirely. You choose. Everything you saw that you once saw as Blue would now be Purple, how enlightening would that be? Would you not want to tell everyone about how everything we'd ever been told was a distortion of reality, and you now had the key to Truth? 

But here's the crazy thing. Jesus essentially did this. He came and said, your society is marred. Here is the Truth. And we said, "oh yeah, cool - I believe you." Maybe some people got excited about it, but the majority of us (about 90% of North America) said, okay cool, so... how little can I do and get to heaven? People! BLUE IS PURPLE. Everything is changed. We have found TRUTH. Why are our lives not completely changed by it? Why aren't we sharing this amazing revelation we've been told? Why are we letting the rest of the world live with their eyes closed. 

We are children of Light.

Banksy; Modern Day Genius

So this week I've had a difficult time focussing to say the least...

In my lack of learning about cells and western civilization I have found myself once again enjoying the clever mystery characterized by Banksy.

This man is seriously a genius. He says so much while boldly defying societal norms.

Here's a few of my favourite quotes... (the pictures kept not working)

“You're mind is working at its best when you're being paranoid.
You explore every avenue and possibility of your situation
at high speed with total clarity.” - Banksy

“The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules. It's people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages”  - Banksy

"Any advertisement in public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It belongs to you. It's yours to take, rearrange and re-use. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.”  - Banksy

Toronto; not so bad

There are few places I've been that I would say I genuinely didn't like. In a boring town there is usually something unique to be found, in an urban cement-covered city somebody has usually expressed art somewhere tucked away in a corner.  Even in Rome, a city I didn't enjoy whatsoever, the beauty of their architecture is undeniable. (And the Gelato is good, too.)

 I've trekked from Vancouver to Montreal, and up to the Yukon at varying points in my two decades of Canadian inhabitance, but for some reason always avoided Toronto. Debatably, the centre of the country; at least in terms of commerce.  So last weekend, I finally went. I expected a cold, skyscraper-ridden, empty feeling metropolis. But I was pleasantly surprised. Everywhere I looked it seemed as though cultural diversity was prominent. While wandering through Chinatown to the Kensington Market, I felt as though I had left my home country and in fact entered into something entirely foreign.  Between the smells of fish out in the open, and an overwhelming montage of colourful scarves and blankets, the scene from the matrix that i'd envisioned was nowhere to be found.  Sure, Starbucks was everywhere and you didn't have to look far to see someone wearing a suit, but that also added an element of it's own to the feel of the city.  In Vancouver, you don't have to look far to find an environmental-supporting hipster, or an underground indie concert, but a little further you'd have to go to find a career-driven twenty five year-old rushing off to a business meeting. I think I liked Toronto because it felt like it had some of everything.  The "fringe of society" loving people were there, there was music, and art and poverty, but there was also people of importance in terms of how our country functions, finance majors and people key in insurance firms. At times, I think we get so involved in finding culture outside of culture, that we forget that the suit-wearing, Starbucks-carrying, business-minded people are just as much of our society as those of us that vote Green. (And yes, I vote green).

In conclusion, Toronto is now on my list of favs.